When I first started this blog my friend Clarence observed that he thought my positive approach downplayed how difficult what I was experiencing really was.
He believed I wasn’t telling the whole story about what a nightmare I must be enduring. He was wrong.
The first nine week round of chemo, with the exceptions of the “big chemos”, was like having a mild cold without the cough, fever, and nasal drip. The hardest part about that period was figuring out the routine, getting the damned machines to work, and fear of the unknown.
Post surgery was very difficult, but I was prepared for that. They had me so heavily drugged I wandered around in a daze most of the time doing whatever people told me to do. That was followed by some time off of chemo that was almost almost like a vacation.
Throughout this whole experience there has been very little pain, though considerable discomfort. Most nights I get a solid eleven hours of sleep, with little discomfort, and awake refreshed.
All in all, it hasn’t been all that awful. A little awful. But tolerable.
This last round of chemo is different. It is awful.
For one thing, I miss Picard.
When I was getting a slow drip of chemo 24/7 it evened out the effect. Now that I get it as a single shot it’s like a bolt of lighting from the God of Nausea.
It doesn’t help that chemo seems to accumulate in your system making you feel crappier as times goes by. Then there’s the fact I’ve been doing this for a long time and am getting very very sick of it.
So, as you’ve figured from Marcia’s posts, I’ve been having a pretty hard time of it lately. After I get my 5FU shot tomorrow, I’ll be having a pretty hard time of it for another two or three weeks. But then, with the exception of breaking in the new stomach, it will be over.
I know some of you worry when I don’t put up posts fairly regularly. I imagine you visualizing me writhing in agony unable to get out of bed. That’s not the case at all.
Truth of the matter is I don’t post because I am a zombie. I am taking heavy duty anti-nausea drugs that leave me brain dead, unable to write a coherent sentence, and pretty much non-functional.
Anne tells me what to do, when to do it, and I obey.
Lately my main purpose in life is managing my Farmville Farm, surviving meal times, and not throwing up.
Expectations don’t get much lower than that.
You are fully entitled to whine — a whole lot. Hoping the next two to three weeks go very quickly. And can I nominate Anne for sainthood?
Gary buddy you SO deserve to whine and I mean really vent!!! I don’t do Farmville but I am a HUGE reader of trashy romance novels and I watch Maury Povich, Ellen, and The View. If people think I am shallow, well, there are, ahem, several hand gestures for those folks!!!!!
Truly, no one knows what they would do until they have walked in your shoes!
We are just SO glad that it’s almost over and will coincide with the beginning of spring, flowers, birds and all those wonderful things you will be able to enjoy!!! We pray that this last biggie will go smoothly with little side effects but I know you know the drill.
I am now officially beginning my countdown till your final treatment!!!!
Fondly,
Weezy (Louise) and Don
Gary! You’re certainly allowed to whine – big time! As for the zombie analogy, I’d say if you can play Farmville and write today’s post, your brain is functioning quite well. We who sit at a distance and can’t be of any help are so grateful for your blog and for Marcia’s help with it when you’re not able to contribute. It helps us keep you in mind, and as Louise has mentioned, it helps us prioritize our own whining! And there is the added perk that we aren’t plugging your email or Anne’s with useless questions. And I certainly agree with Judy – you married a saint! Let’s nominate her! We eagerly await the day you can write that the chemo has left the system and you are feeling GOOD! Best of everything to both of you!
Whine, whine, whine. As for Anne, it’s too late. She’s already a saint.
I am glad my recovery is timed around the time Spring arrives. I am really look forward to being able to appreciate the better weather. I’m not a trashy romance novel reader, but I’ve never met a Double D Western I didn’t like. That’s pretty low brow, but the marshall always saves the town, the lone stranger always protects the wagon train, and the bumbling cowboy always gets the girl. Now that’s literature.
Every once in a while my brain will clear and I can write something. None-the-less, I had Anne proof read my post before I put it up to make sure it was coherent. Turns out it was.
Hi Gary,
Guess I’ll have to say you are doing a great job of enduring this and a little whining is the least you can do.. have at it, even if I was wrong. Sorry, we miss you at the pool and John has lost his desire to tell the joke of the day. Must be because you are not there. I have been reading your adventures and have come to look for them on a consistent bases.
You are in my prayers……………Clarence
This is the first time you ever admitted to being wrong. About anything. I considered mentioning you are also wrong about Barak Obama, US immigration policy, the virtue of Sarah Palin as president, and the truthfulness of Rush Limbaugh, but I decided against it.
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I’ve got bad news about John and his jokes. He told me he’s saving them all up and will tell them all at once the day I arrive at the pool. My rough calculation is that should be about 200 jokes. Brace yourself.
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If you’re really missing his jokes, which is hard to imagine, you can watch a couple of them I helped him get on Youtube. His Vaseline Joke (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xl3SK5ObBtQ) has been watched 48 times. His Cheating Husband Joke (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4ZIjLYUkUc) has been watched 47 times.
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He has a long way to go before he catches up with my “How to stack a wood pile in a way that it doesn’t fall down” video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU_ipcbZUPI) which has been viewed 3,824 times. But his numbers are rising and maybe some day he’ll catch up.
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I am trying to accumulate as many prayer as possible and appreciate that I am in yours.
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Thanks.
Hi Gary,
Good to hear from you again. “5FU??” Does the FU stand for what I think it does?! As crappy as the chemo makes you feel, think about how crappy it is for any remaining cancer cells still running around with nowhere to hide. It’s worse for them I’m pretty sure. Hang in there.
Hugo